A Photo To Do List for Rothbury Music Festival

 

While I was at Rothbury the past four/ five days, I was able to compile a list of things to make sure you bring to Rothbury or another music festival in order to make sure that you have the absolute best time possible. Here is a photo journey of what I found (as best as the camera could capture it)

Body Paint!

The MOST body paint

 I would never think of going to a music festival without a sufficient amount of body paint to use on myself as makeshift pasties and my man as a way of declaring our love for America on the fourth of July.

Wise Old Medicine Woman a MUST

It is best to always keep an old medicine woman on reserve to whip up an herbal hangover cure or perform CPR in case of emergency. With her past Woodstock experiences, she is also a go to gal for all things sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

Your Most Slimming Black Outfit

It is definitely a good idea to bring clothing that is figure flattering yet weather appropriate. I found that by wearing an outfit like that above, I not only looked appealing to the opposite sex, but I also was able to showcase my body art and keep the breeze flowing through my very thin leggings– minimal undergarments are usually a good idea.

Beach Towels

In case your posse is sleepy like mine, or Latino, it is a good idea to bring large beach towels. These allowed me to sneak in massive amounts of cheap beer and let my friends sleep through amazing concerts (Grateful Dead apparently makes lullabies in Michigan)

Buddy System Octopus

When traveling with a group of people, it is best to make sure that you have a way of sticking together in the crowds (and standing out, like these assholes did with the inflatable octopus number). I think of it as an updated child leash– also a must at Rothbury for those amazing parents out there who decided it was a good idea to nix the babysitter and make it a family drug binge.

Combat Boots

For those of you like me who are not into going barefoot in a horse ranch surrounded by drug abusers for five days, it is best to consider a stylish yet comfortable and powerful shoe to get you through the experience. I would suggest combat boots for such an occasion, but only if you are going to show them off.

Cut-off Denim Man-skort

Who says skorts are just for women? This man proves that they are stylish, comfortable and Eco-friendly (as I am sure he made his own). On the off-chance that when it is your turn to go to a music festival, male designers are not yet selling these sassy numbers, it is easy to make your own– this friend used an old pair of Tommy Hilfiger jeans.

Dress Clothes

It may seem like music festivals are all about being comfortable, but there will be times that call for your most dressy of outfits– for instance, I believe this picture was taken on the Fourth of July, which was very fitting because I think nothing shows you are more proud to be an American or to be independent than a wide mesh dress complete with only white granny panties underneath. I have a feeling this lady came from church to the Flogging Molly concert

Glow in the Dark Goodies

This is a picture of my ten year old friend I made at the Grateful Dead concert who was selling glow sticks to raise money for an XBOX. Its crazy how people on acid flock to these simple beings– I mean, they were staring like crazy at this half naked ten year old hula hooping in the cold..

 

Inflatable Monkeys

I feel like I am stating the obvious on this one, but I would really like to stress the importance of bringing an inflatable monkey with you to Rothbury. The top one was sitting in front of me at the Grateful Dead concert and caused several drugged up douches to trip on me repeatedly. The bottom one was a common landmark that people in the campsite asked us about when they couldn’t find their tents. I guess in a way it is this monkey that is the reason I found my new friend Angel.

A Nalgene

For cheap hicks like myself, bringing a nalgene is essential if you do not want to pay seven dollars a beer on the festival grounds. This one ended up getting thrown away (Angel) upon having it found during the strip search at the entrance– but, the couple times I got it through were magical.

Rasta Fanny Pack

Proof that not all hippies are irresponsible, the Rasta Fanny Pack is a rare but delightful find.

A Sports Bra

Why waste all that space in your luggage by filling it with shirts when a sports bra is a sexy and cozy way to bypass the unnecessary clothing. I bet this woman doubled the amount of shrooms she snuck in by choosing such a lovely top.

Umbrella

I think that we often get so caught up in what an umbrella can do for us when protecting us from sun and rain that we forget how big a fashion statement just the right parasol can make (sometimes I wished she would have tipped it down sometimes to hide that raging camel toe, because I was way too turned on throughout the Black Crowes concert)

Playskool Wagon

Its always good to bring a playskool wagon not only for your tag-a-long two year old, but also as a way of discreetly hiding your drugs and alcohol. It also helps to protect baby from your second hand smoke (transient mother)

Your Ten Year Old Daughter

When drug trafficking got old fast, I wished I had a different way of making money. One man was selling turtles, but these clever parents decided to let their daughter who was ten go with them to her millionth grateful dead concert and hula hoop in leopard spankies and a bikini top and go around to drugged up creepy older men and try to sell them glow-sticks to raise money for an “XBOX”. At first I was quick to label this as only good parenting, but it was also a very good business decision on their part. I was able to feed this one Chiclets, convince her to put a coat on, sell glow-sticks without using her body, and teach her what molestation was (all true stories) in just a matter of one concert. It definitely paid off, because I made out with a glow bracelet, beaded necklace, crystal and her phone number– and I had someone to hug me through the fireworks— and her parents still got to be carefree and party in their flower viser and drug coma while I got to mother her!

Unfortunately, I did not capture all of the best things to bring/ do at Rothbury on camera— I hope that this will help all of you pack for your future festivals as I know I feel more prepared for next year now!

Bless us,

Maggie